The Importance of Being an Imperfect Mother

Our bunny died on Saturday after some digestive issue kept him from peeing or pooping for 2 days - way too long for a rabbit, whose metabolism runs quickly. We had taken him to the vet and were administering fluids, critical care food through a syringe, pain meds and a prescription to increase the motility in his gut. But none of it worked and he died in my son’s arms after a few hours of shuddering discomfort. It was a tragedy for my son, who had chosen him and cared for him for the past 4 years. When anything dies in discomfort, we wish so much that we could have prevented it and we are left wondering if we did something wrong.

So I woke up today thinking about the bunny and whether we honestly did something wrong in caring for him. We gave him the standard Purina Rabbit Chow, we gave him greens (probably not enough), he got attention and exercise, and he lived the cush life INSIDE the house! So much more than the other bunnies we’ve owned who lived alone outside in a hutch. But he kept digging in the corner behind the washer - was he after something more? Instead of wondering “what does he want?”, I decided he was a weirdo. How could he want more? After all, he lives in my laundry room. I’m such a sacrificial mother, I’ve given up a clean laundry room in exchange for pee and poop on the floor, damaged linoleum, stained hardwood, bunny fur fluff in the corners, chewed baseboards, etc… How could he not be satisfied?

My pride often kicks in when I’ve given all I can and I need for it to be enough. What if all we can give isn’t enough? What if my very best efforts as a mom still leave my kids wanting in deep ways?

If the world needs more from me than I can give why does that automatically mean for me that I’ve not given enough? That I’m not enough? Sometimes I diminish the world’s needs so I can feel like I’ve met them all because to fail to meet them all means I wasn’t enough. But that’s about me. My ego can’t handle the truth that I might not be perfect/ enough. Can you relate??

We’ve heard the saying, “There are no perfect mothers,” but some of us nod in agreement while secretly deciding that WE will beat the odds. And here’s the insidious thing: I think my kids know that I want to meet all their needs and that I will be upset if I don’t. So, to feel good about myself as a mother, not only am I diminishing the needs I cannot meet, but THEY are failing to tell me about ways I’ve let them down or needs I have not fulfilled because they KNOW it will upset me.

I’m aware that I’m in a “renegotiating” stage of mild grief about our bunny and I might be making too much of this event, but I’m also feeling a shift inside me. What if my best efforts for the bunny WEREN’T enough?

I can live with that.

And if I can live with that, can I also begin to live with the truth that my best efforts as a mom have not been enough to meet all the needs of my children either? Instead of discounting the ways that they are hurt or left struggling with some aspect of life, can I look at those places with open eyes, willing to see those holes, and willing to accept that I’m not enough to fill all of them? It takes a painful dose of humility to do so.

Photo by Julie Johnson on Unsplash

In his book, The Logic of the Spirit - Human Development in Theological Perspective, James E. Loder explains how the mother’s face is the one that the baby sees that orders its world; that looks into a child’s eyes and says, “you are wonderful”. But that face disappears at times and the child has to deal with that reality. I’ve been so determined to be that face for them. And I’m glad I am. Yes, our children need us to pour out love and attention as best we can but they also must face the part of their story where they are alone and have to meet their own needs. They have their own heroic journey to face and they need to eventually find the face that never goes away - the One who DOES love them perfectly. Loder says, ultimately we need “a more adequate solution that will … put the totality of human existence into a relationship with the One who is the cosmic ordering, self-confirming presence - the Face of God who does not go away.”

That person is not me and I’m learning to be okay with that.

The truth is, all we can give isn’t enough and my very best efforts as a mom still leave my kids wanting in deep ways. And that is by design.

At her annual Literature Soiree in San Luis Obispo this weekend, Rea Berg of Beautiful Feet Books spoke about the Heroic Quest in literature. We talked about how sharing quality stories with our children gives them the wisdom and strength to navigate their own stories. They need our love and care but we can also cultivate wisdom and virtue in them through literature. Our bunny was named after Hazel, the hero in Watership Down. That story continued in a way in his life here. And now grieving his death is part of my son’s story of growing up. Our children’s lives are stories and our role is to coach and encourage, love and support, but also watch in awe as they grow beyond what we are able to give them.

August: Mid-summer or the Beginning of Back-to-School?

I hope you’ve had a relaxing summer full of all your favorite summer fun. For me that’s relaxing mornings with all my kids at home, toes in the sand at the beach at least a few times, 4th of July in Tahoe with family, lots of dinners in our backyard, some home improvement projects and seeing friends that we don’t always see during the busy school year.

How about you? Does it feel like mid-summer to you or the beginning of back-to-school? It’s August 1st and I’m sad to say, it feels like back-to-school time at our house. League football practices are beginning for my 2 high school boys, my college kids are ordering their supplies and booking flights and I’m ordering the last few books for my daughter’s homeschool year. Gone are the days when we enjoyed that summer feeling until Labor Day. But I DO love anticipating all we will be learning and reading - so I’m sharing our plans today. Maybe they will give you some ideas for your own school year.

My daughter is in 8th grade and it’s my 16th year homeschooling. I’m so excited about the curriculum we are using this year - both in my homeschool and in the classes I’ll be teaching at our co-op and as a tutor. First, I’ll share Abby’s schedule then I’ll tell you about the classes I’m offering. If you live nearby, I’d LOVE to have your kids join one of my classes!!

Abby’s 8th grade year:

• Latin - Ecce Romani II (6th year of Latin)

• Writing the Essay - online with Alexandria Tutorials (I highly recommend! - lots of classic books, discussion and great writing instruction)

• Medieval History - using Beautiful Feet Books middle school curriculum - lots of amazing literature, maps, discussion and writing

• Deductive Logic - we belong to a Classical co-op so we do 2 years of Logic classes in 7-8th grade. We use THIS book from Classical Academic Press.

• Saxon Math - Algebra I We use the 3rd edition because it’s NOT common core.

• Apologia Physical Science We’ve used Apologia Science in every grade - even high school.

• Art History - We are using The Story of Art by E.H. Gombrich in our co-op and I love this text because it has photos of every work of art discussed. I volunteered to teach it because I WANT to learn about famous works of art. So excited!!

Jill’s Classes:

In addition to teaching Medieval History and Art History at our co-op, I’ll be teaching a few classes for homeschoolers at my home as a tutor with several local charter schools including Visions, Valleyview, and Compass. Here they are…

Medieval History - 6-8th grade using Beautiful Feet Books middle school curriculum - lots of amazing literature, maps, discussion and writing. Thursdays 1-2:3pm in Walnut Creek.

Saxon Math - Weekly small group classes for middle school students in Math 7/6 thru Algebra I. Tuesdays in Walnut Creek. As a math tutor, I’ve seen the problems kids have over and over again. Saxon is my favorite Math curriculum because it teaches cumulatively and repetitively so kids remember concepts. You can learn more about it and get the best pricing on Saxon Math HERE.

Geography - 1-4th grade using Using “Around the World with Picture Books” part 1 from Beautiful Feet Books this class takes 1-4th graders on a trip around the world through story, art, maps and even food tastings. My children are too old for this new curriculum and I’m so excited to “borrow” a few children to teach it to! If you know an elementary student who could use a little class of their own this year, come over on Thursdays 10-11:30am for this fun class!

If you are interested in any of my classes or have questions, check out the Education tab on my website or send me an email at hello@jillpulver.com and I’ll send you the details!

If you are planning for school and want some tips, check out my FREE mini-class - Organize your Homeschool. You can get through the two videos and a list of my favorite curriculum and resources in under 20 minutes.

I’m a talk it through person - all my ideas feel stuck in my head in a jumble until I can talk through them with someone who understands my heart and my goals. And that’s often hard to find. If you’re like me and need someone who gets it to listen as you plan for your homeschool, parent, or just navigate the season of life you are in, book a consultation with me. Last time I talked with someone, her final comment was, “Well, that was worth its weight in gold!” Your clarity and confidence make a huge difference it the atmosphere you are creating in your home. I’d LOVE to talk with you!

My online course, Love your Homeschool opens for enrollment in mid-August. if you struggle with getting the housework, laundry, or meals done, you are not alone! If you’re not sure which activities are the most important in the long run, you’re in good company, and if you want to be a great parent, then this course is perfect for you!! Sign up here to be the first to know when Love your Homeschool is open and my FREE masterclass on these subjects is available!

So, there you have it - lots of ideas. But, it’s only the beginning of August, so go pour a glass of lemonade, sit by the pool, head to the beach or just get outside with your children. BREATH. PLAY. SAVOR THE MOMENT. ENJOY!!! Know that I’m here, cheering you on, waiting to support you in all your amazingness!!!

xo,

Jill

How's your Energy Level Today?

Photo by Rowan Chestnut on Unsplash

It’s been a weird week. After a busy school year, tutoring, teaching and creating a course for homeschool moms and launching it, everything seemed to end all at once. My boys finished finals at our local high school, my daughter finished her homeschool year, and all my tutoring students said goodbye until Fall. Exhaustion set in along with a strange feeling of wondering who I am and what I’m doing with my life. At first, the mean girl in my head began taunting me, “What are you going to do for work this summer? How are you going to make an income to support your family now? Why don’t you know who you are? Do you even belong here?” And on and on….

Does that ever happen to you? Do you hit weeks when your mood is a bit low, when you feel unmoored, frozen, or a bit lost? I knew that I had a decision to make and I’m old enough to know that my energy level and mood is often cyclical. As a woman whose hormonal cycle affected mood and energy all through the child-bearing years, I grew accustomed to paying attention and keeping records. In my 30’s I would write on the calendar ahead of time the likely emotions I might feel in a given week so I could prepare my mindset. One week would be confident/energized, another anxious/sensitive, one week read angry/ impatient and another joyful/relaxed. My mother had always advised, “Don’t think too hard when you’re tired or hormonal. it will pass.” In other words, don’t measure who you are by any one set of hard days.

So I knew, earlier this week, when I felt so blah that it was likely a cyclical thing. I needed to wait it out and trust that my current mood and productivity was not all of who I am or would be. We learn in our culture to measure our worth by our productivity and to hit summer with no income felt irresponsible and scary for this single mama. I had worked hard all year, but I hadn’t yet figured out what I was doing for the summer. I had pre-planned several ventures, but none had come together yet. On Monday morning I made a choice. Instead of beating myself up or trying to push myself into action with anxiety and criticism, I would give myself grace. I would trust that God knows me, my cycle, and my situation. I would wait - for my own body and mind to be ready for the next action and I would busy myself in that waiting with something else. That something else was housework - some much needed organization - which would serve us well in the future and lay a clean slate upon which to create new business ventures or go through needed transitions. I set to work cleaning out the papers and clutter that had accumulated in our home all year while I was working so hard on other projects. Was that income-producing activity? No. But I decided to…

1) Give myself grace in the low energy, trusting that a new cycle of energy would come.

2) Trust God to provide for our family - to bring the right focus, work, and ideas in His time.

There is no point arguing with your cycle, ladies! Kate Northrup, in her recent book, “Do Less: A Revolutionary Approach to Time Management for Busy Moms” talks about productivity and women. We expect to be productive every day because popular ideas about accomplishment are based on male energy which runs in 24 hour cycles. Because of this, I expect myself to get my act together at some point EVERY DAY. But, guess what? Women cycle over 28 DAYS!!! Y’all, let’s just pause there - every TWENTY EIGHT DAYS!! This is why there are weeks when we are energetic and confident and others when we want to retreat from the world. We don’t do ourselves any good when we expect visible productivity every day. It’s more realistic to see that I can accomplish just as much if I understand and accept my real cycle of energy and mood. It’s like when you’re sick and you start to think you’ll never feel better again. You start to believe that it’s who you are but, when you give it a few days, you’re back to normal, right? And often, that book you read while laid up in bed gives you new ideas; the podcast you listened to while resting shifted your mindset on a topic because you slowed down long enough to really think.

I took Kate Northrup’s explanation and actually put the weeks on my calendar so I would know where I am energy-wise. She describes 4 different stages (the words in quotes are what I put on my calendar).

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

1) Ovulation - peak energy, manifesting, magnetism I call this week “Show up and Shine”

2) Luteal Phase - wind down, slow down, finish, detail work - I call this week “Organize”

3) Menstrual - rest, hang out in the unknown, re-evaluate, pause - I call this week “Slow Down and Think”

4) Follicular - excitement, new ideas, inspiration, brainstorming - I call this week “Plan and start”

You can listen to an amazing interview about this HERE on James Wedmore’s Mind your Business podcast. You can read the details about each part of the cycle HERE on Kate’s blog.

So what if you gave yourself grace on the days that look and feel less productive, knowing that one week is not the measure of you? How would if feel to let the less impressive weeks serve their purpose too? Whatever you are working on this summer, try to fit the elements of that project or goal into your cycle so you can benefit from the riches of each phase. Most of all, give yourself grace. You are doing your best, mama! You are precious and gifted and you are just what your children need you to be.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pick up all the papers littered across my family room before my “Organize” week ends.

Why summertime is the BEST time to give your kids CHORES!

We lived in an old house - a rental that was broken in many ways - old metal windows let in the cold and, during the rainy winters, the moisture made the brick wall in the kitchen drip white clumps of lime onto the floor. The pipes clogged on the regular and the yard was a mess. But my kids loved it there. What was once someone’s lovely garden had become overgrown - a giant fig tree with long, springy branches that reached the ground created a dream fort and old fruit trees were not only good for climbing, but still produced plums in the summer. All five were under 10 - two were in diapers and the preschoolers were in various stages of messy potty training. We were homeschooling and the days were long and busy, but full of rich time together. Figuring out how to meet each child’s needs was the most pressing problem I faced. My oldest was playing baseball, learning math and needing to do all the subject areas in school while my toddlers were pulling math manipulatives off the kitchen table and making messes faster than I could clean them up. I needed to create a schedule that guided our days and I also needed help getting all the housework done or we weren’t going to have clean clothes to wear or meals to eat. So in the midst of that chaos, I searched for guidance and found Titus2.com. I eventually purchased their Managers of their Homes and Managers of their Chores products and dove into implementing them.

Managers of their Homes taught me to schedule our days so I could meet each child’s needs. While I was doing Math with one child, another would stop doing their lessons and spend time with the little ones - playing legos, taking a “nature walk” in the yard, or reading to them.

Managers of their Chores helped me teach my children to help out around the house by giving them chores and the way they taught me to do that really worked - and still does now that my kids are all teens and young adults. If you want a highly-detailed, Christian approach to implementing chores in your home, you will love Managers of their Chores but today I’m sharing the way I did it - a more simple version of the amazing principles I learned from Titus2.

The beginning of summer was the BEST time for us to implement new chores in our home because we always took a break from schoolwork over summer. We read books over the long summer days, but no other school schedule ruled us. I also didn’t put my kids in camps all summer long. I wanted them to enjoy long, slow days - with time to get bored and create their own fun. So we had more time to start learn a new skill and create a habit of doing new chores during the summer. By the time Fall arrived with it’s more structured days and increased commitments, my kids were in the HABIT of doing their assigned chores and they were good at them.

When something becomes a HABIT, it’s so much easier to do it consistently and well. Right?

So here’s how we did it:

1) Take a few days to make a list of everything that needs to be done by room or area or category. For example, Bedroom: Make bed and pick up daily, Vacuum/dust 2x monthly (or whatever you require) // Living Room: dust, vacuum, pick up, fluff couch cushions // Bathroom: clean sink/counter, scrub tub, clean toilet, windex mirror // Chickens: let in/ out daily, refill food & water as needed, clean roost box weekly // Lawn: mow weekly // Car: wash outside, vacuum inside, clean out trash, & windex windows quarterly.

Kids should help add to this list - that way they will be more invested - and you can make it a fun family project to notice what needs doing - emptying dishwasher, taking out trash, etc…

2) Give careful thought to which jobs might be appropriate for each child, considering age, ability and even character development. Then assign the chores. Start small if you haven’t given chores before and commit to following up to make sure tasks are being done properly. You have to inspect what you expect or it might not become a helpful habit for your child. Better to have a few jobs assigned and learned well, then to assign too much and not hold kids accountable. Use the slower summer schedule to get into the habit of doing chores, tweeking the assignments as needed. By the time school starts again, everyone should be in the habit of doing their jobs.

3) Keep assigned chores all year - this way kids get good at their jobs and they become a habit for them so they will be easy. When school gets out a year later, change up the chores so everyone can experience each task. When kids learn these life skills early, they won’t be so overwhelming when they are adults.

For more support in implementing the Chore process I’ve discussed here, join my new course, Love your Homeschool  REGISTRATION CLOSES for the Founding Membership on June 11.

Want to see how I teach? Watch the free training 3 Secrets to Creating Order in your Home while Homeschooling also available through June 11th.

Wishing you a FUN, restful and fruitful summer! Let me know how I can support you - what else would you like to hear about?? Comment here or email me at hello@jillpulver.com.

I’m cheering you on!!

Jill

The one mothering skill I cannot teach you

As you may know, I’ve been hosting a live class the past two weeks called, 3 Secrets to Creating Order in your Home while Homeschooling. It’s an hour long class where I share my heartfelt advice about how to get your kids to be a part of managing your home, how to incorporate rich actives into your days that will build relationships and memories and how to parent well in the process. That class followed a short Facebook live in which I discussed the 3 Myths that might be keeping you from Enjoying Homeschooling. And both free classes introduced my new course, Love your Homeschool, Simple Strategies for Quieting the Chaos so you can Enjoy Learning with your Children.

So, obviously, I have a fair amount of advice and encouragement to give, based on my 21 years of mothering and 15+ years of homeschooling. I LOVE to inspire and equip moms so they can feel confident in their role of home-maker and teacher. I want them to find JOY in the imperfect and enjoy the journey.

But I will be honest with you, I am completely unable to help with ONE CRUCIAL element of parenting young children. I failed abysmally at it with 4 kids and pretty much gave up with #5.

You might wonder, What is it? And how can I consider trusting a homeschooling mentor if they have such a horrible track record?? How was she allowed to continue homeschooling? Shouldn’t the authorities have come to the door and told her that her kids were truant? Should HSLDA have even let her join?? All are valid questions.

Okay, here it is… I can’t give you any help with… POTTY TRAINING.

I had 5 chances to figure it out and I never did. Family songs and sayings were even written during the dark years of this potty chaos. I cannot account for why I failed. We read all the cute storybooks about going on the potty. We sat on the potty and read stories, we watched tv siting on the plastic potty. We tried the naked thing where you stay home for a week with no diapers on in hopes that the child won’t like peeing on himself. We even went to a hypnotist one time and came home with a cassette tape with calmly spoken imagery like, “Close the gates.” We did the “Dry Days” chart on the fridge, marking off good days until they had 10 in a row and had earned a special toy they had wanted for awhile. I set boundaries like, “If you choose to poop in your undies when you are perfectly capable of going on the potty at 4 years old, YOU will have to wash those undies out yourself..” And every. one. of. my. kids. calmly washed the poop out of their undies and still didn’t use the potty. Every once in a while, a chuck of dried poop would fall out of someone’s undies. One day when my boys were playing in the hall, one of them stepped in poop and it smeared all over the bottom of his bare foot. You would think that kind of grossness would create change. But no.

I used to say that my house was the only one where you might accidentally step in poop INSIDE!

I’d like to say that I never lost my temper over this disgusting situation, but I did give a few furious cold showers to kids who were old enough to take care of business but chose to make messes anyway. Needless to say, by the time my youngest was at potty training age, I had given up. I decided she would eventually figure it out, that my kids must be genetically predisposed to soil their pants until kindergarten and that I was never going to find success. So my youngest wore pull ups until she was 5. And, since she was clearly old enough to take them on and off herself, we would find wet pull-ups under beds, behind the couch, in the car…. It wasn’t a much better deal than the potty training thing.

My kids were never mean to one another, but they did have a lot of laughs making up nicknames like “Smudge McDougal” and songs about our ongoing dilemma,

“Nasty Little Baby, what we gonna do with you. Every time you pee or poo you make me come and change you. Nasty little baby, what we gonna do with you?”

There were more hilarious verses, but I’ll spare you. The truth is, that nasty baby was so loved, the musicians named their band, Babies in the Sink, after her.

So not everything in our home was pretty schoolrooms, art projects, cozy reading time, and nature outings. My house was not clean all the time either. So, if you follow me, listen to my free classes or even join my new course, I will have LOTS of good advice for you, lots of empathy for how difficult the job of teaching and parenting is, but there will definitely not be a lesson about “How to successfully potty train your children in 5 easy steps.” Sorry to let you down.

My kids are 13-21 now. All of them use the potty. And if we step in poop in our house now, it’s because I’ve allowed a bunny to live in our laundry room.

If you’d still like to learn a few things from this imperfect mama, you can find RESOURCES HERE and sign up for my new course, Love your Homeschool, HERE. The founding membership is open until June 11th.

3 Myths about Homeschooling that Might be Keeping You from Enjoying it (or Deciding to Start)

Photo by Senjuti Kundu on Unsplash

There are several ideas that tend to create concern around the idea of homeschooling. These myths can keep those of us who have been homeschooling from fully enjoying it and they often keep those who are considering the lifestyle from even beginning. If we can reframe these issues and shift the way we are thinking, I believe we can really savor our days home educating.

Myth #1: Homeschooling means giving up on having an orderly home.

Myth #2: Choosing the right curriculum is everything.

Myth #3: Only the children’s personal growth and education matter.

Let’s talk about that first one, Myth #1, Homeschooling means giving up on having an orderly home. Here’s what you might be thinking: It will always be messy. There will no time to clean or do the laundry or cook dinner except in complete chaos and we will just have to endure that chaos until our kids are grown. If we like a neat house and peaceful days, we will just have to grin and bear it. When we can no longer tolerate the chaos, we might have to send everyone to school.

Truth: You can make home management a beautiful part of what you are teaching your kids in your homeschool. Housework does not need to get in the way of the lessons and activities you want to experience with your kids. Homeschooling is as much teaching our kids how to live life as it is how to do math or observe nature. Charlotte Mason said, “Education is an atmosphere, a discipline and a life.” Teaching kids how to create a home is important too!

And then there’s the curriculum dilemma, Myth #2, Choosing the right curriculum is everything. YES, it does matter that the Math curriculum works for your child and choosing the right History books can make studying it more enjoyable for your family. However, learning together at home is not just about replicating traditional school. Adding in what I call “the true, the good, and the beautiful” will end up having a greater impact on how much you enjoy homeschooling than simply checking the boxes of traditional subjects. So what do I consider “the true, the good, and the beautiful” and why do they matter more? These are the activities that can be experienced as a family. They are the ones that children of many different ages and personalities can enjoy together and respond to in their own ways at their own developmental levels. I’m talking about reading literature and poems together, listening to music, doing art, getting out in nature, and creating traditions. You will remember these shared experiences most because they strengthen relationships, awaken the imagination and build camaraderie. They bring the element of JOY to your homeschool and that will carry you through when you grow weary.

Myth #3, Only the children’s personal growth and education matter, is one we tend to automatically believe when there is no time for ourselves as moms. Our days are filled with driving, scheduling, and supporting the endeavors of our children and there is little time to even consider what we would like to do or learn. But our own personal growth is tremendously important because our kids are going to do what we do in the end. Our ability to parent effectively and coach our children to have healthy mindsets depends upon our own emotional health. We are not just teaching our children how to be good at academics or their chosen extracurricular activities. We are showing them how to live life well. This is good news - not just another to-do for us. It means that our own self-care is actually necessary. Our own curiosity and interests are important. If we want our children to become lifelong learners, making time to pursue our interests is an example we want to set. You are more than just a supporter, you are a unique and creative person, mama!

I’ve been creating a new course for homeschool moms and I’ll be offering part of it as a FREE CLASS starting next week. The FREE CLASS is called 3 Secrets to Creating Order in your Home while Homeschooling: How to get the Housework Done and Meet Each Person’s Needs without Missing All the Beautiful Experiences You Want Your Children to have in Your Homeschool.

I’d LOVE for you to join me!!! Just go to jillpulver.com/freeclass or CLICK HERE to register and choose the best time for YOU!

As always, I’m cheering you on, mama!

The Challenge of Putting Life into Words

It’s that time of year when students are finding out which colleges have found them acceptable. Or for younger children submitting transcripts or interviewing to start at a new school, how they will be seen compared to others. For adults changing jobs or moms rejoining the workforce, resumes attempt to describe what we’ve accomplished and who we’ve become. In all these situations, the typical categories are limited. It takes creativity and clear-sightedness to describe ourselves accurately. People can’t really be described completely with just a few measures. I’ve learned as a homeschool teacher, as a mom of college students and as a woman returning to work at 50, that there are many ways to put words to our life experiences.

One of the aspects of homeschooling that stresses parents out is record-keeping and worry over whether enough is being done in each subject area to fulfill grade level requirements - whether someone is holding us accountable to that or not. In my experience, most homeschooling families are accomplishing much more than they think they are, and if they could translate into words all they are actually doing, worry over their performance would be quieted. Here are a few ways to do it, whether its for a charter school teacher, to please your relatives or even to create a transcript for college admissions.

“Document your homeschool ‘as-is’. Remember that a transcript is your homeschool experience translated into words and numbers that colleges understand.”

-Lee Binz - “Setting the Record Straight”

This quote by Lee Binz in her book, “Setting the Record Straight” was so helpful to me both when my boys were in middle school and I had to create transcripts so they could attend public and private high schools and also when my daughter homeschooled through high school and applied to colleges. I created transcripts that spoke “the love language” of the schools who were asking what my kids had learned. You can do this too!

There are several applications for this technique:

1) When you are in a difficult season and aren’t sure if you’re doing enough.

Maybe your children are all young, or you have a new baby. It’s easy to feel like the many interruptions in your homeschool day are sabotaging your school-aged children’s education. Perhaps your child is going through a difficult transition or is having health issues. Your gut says to ease off the school requirements but you’re worried that you’ll be in trouble if you don't accomplish enough tangible work. My best advice for this situation is to keep an old-fashioned record book from a school supply store like Lakeshore and write down everything you do each day.

Did you read aloud to your children? Write “English literature - name the book/author”

Did you practice math facts in the car on the way to baseball? Write “Math - addition facts practice”

Did your children watch birds building a nest in the yard this morning? Talk about it. Have them draw a picture of what they saw and write 1-5 sentences about it depending on their ages. Then write “Science - birds”

Piano lessons and practice? Write “Music - piano 2 hours” for that week

Baseball practice and 2 games? Write “PE - baseball - 5 hours” for that week

Did you go on a field trip? Write “History: Field trip to Natural History Museum to see Egypt exhibit”

In her inspiring book, The Brave Learner, Julie Bogart says, “Everything can be taught through anything.” and “A robust education is the ability to make meaningful use of any and all information.”

We discount so much that we are doing that is educational. Now, I’m completely in favor of diligence and consistency. Keeping up with Math or Grammar lessons is important. And I’m not saying that you should make up school work that is not real. But when life circumstances complicate our best laid plans, and lessons don’t look like school, there is no need to despair. A homeschooling lifestyle makes education part of our home life - we naturally bring a spirit of curiosity and learning to so many common parts of daily life. As parents who also teach our children, we tend to bring that learning mindset into all of life. If we watch a movie, we can’t help but ask about the time period it was set in.. We choose to watch documentaries and other educational media because we are lifelong learners. You can count much of what you are doing with your children as real learning if you write down what you did in words that sound like a lesson plan.

It’s kind of like what we do when we have been out of the work force for years and need to update a resume. We take the school fundraiser we ran for the past 3 years and describe it as:

“Event planner: Successfully planned and executed annual fundraiser that grossed over $35k per year, overseeing all aspects including venue selection, catering, recruiting volunteers and building strong relationships with community leaders. Increased income 80% year over year.”

Right?? Just as parents who are not working at a paying job are still accomplishing and growing in their life, our children are growing and learning even if they are not finishing the math book as planned.

2) When you need to create a transcript for your children.

One of the beautiful advantages of homeschooling is that your children have time to find out who they are and pursue their interests. When we keep records of their work, we need to include more than just the Math curriculum they completed or the History book they read. A complete picture of the whole child has to include things like “Advanced Ballet, 8 hours/ week with final performance 2 times per year.” which could be listed as Physical Education - 10 units. It can include “Wood Shop/ Carpentry - 5 units” because they build a chicken coop, a bench and two raised garden beds.

Lee Binz is the expert on this and she provides examples of how to take what your child is doing and who they are as a person and put it into the love language of colleges or other schools.

So I hope this encourages you. As the school year wraps up for many of us, take a look at what you did with fresh eyes. The number of math lesson completed is important but, if it’s few, that doesn't mean that other learning did not happen. In what other ways did your child grow this year? Even if you can’t submit “Grew in character and leadership as an older brother, teaching younger children how to play baseball and build forts.” to your Charter Teacher, YOU can acknowledge it and write it down! Real life and growth is not linear and perfectly measurable, and if we wanted to only see our children that way, we wouldn't be homeschooling. Don’t let measurement steal your joy, my friend. You have done much more than you know. So give your kids the gift of acknowledging who they are outside of the normal school subjects. And, while you’re at it, write down what YOU’VE accomplished this year - or in the past 10.

“CEO - Smith Family: Successfully kept 3 children safe and healthy, providing meals and personalized accommodations along with enriching and memorable family outings and vacations. Administered a school and taught History, Math, Science, Language Arts, Nature Study and life skills. etc……”

When you put it in words, it’s pretty impressive, mama! Maybe the best gift you can give yourself this Mother’s Day is to acknowledge how you’ve grown and what you’ve been through this past year. Write it down - even just as a quick list. And smile. The obligatory cards and flowers will be given this weekend, but your own quiet “I’ve done well” might mean even more.

I’m cheering you on!

p.s. Speaking of the important work you are doing, for more support around parenting, education, and creating a home you love, check out my free resources HERE.

Summer Reading

My kids always wanted summer to be free from normal academics and, since my own childhood never included schoolwork in the summertime, I was understanding of their desire to take a long break between school years. The one thing we DID do each summer was to read books, and we made it fun by creating a summer reading program. There was a wonderful children’s bookstore in our town that ran a sweet summer reading contest with prizes given at the end of the summer if kids hit their goals. We only did the store’s program for a couple of summers, but it got us in the habit and I simply created our own program in subsequent years. Here’s what we did:

I created a simple document and each child wrote their goal for “Pages Read” over the summer. There was a start and end date (usually between the last day of school and Labor Day weekend in the Fall). The rule was that mom had to approve the book choices. I wanted them reading quality literature at their reading level. Sometimes I required a variety of subjects/kinds of books like historical, non-fiction, fiction, etc… I also initialed after each title added to the list, confirming that they had indeed read it. At the end of the summer, we all went out to ice cream or frozen yogurt to celebrate their accomplishments. If you have boys, the element of competition is often motivating.

You can grab a copy of that Summer Reading Record form along with links to our favorite summer books here:.

Quality booklists made this project so much easier. Here are a few we used over the years:

Exodus Books - Outside of a Dog Booklists are organized by grade level, by series, classics, etc.. I love that they got the name of their booklists from this quote:

Another favorite source for book ideas is The Read-aloud Revival. Sarah Mackenzie has a wonderful podcast and website where she interviews children’s authors and publishes a free booklist.

If you need more inspiration around the idea of reading beautiful literature with your kids, listen to Carole Joy Seid. She has recorded seminars for sale, but was also on Sarah McKenzie’s podcast.

Finally, for younger children, I have several picture booklists HERE. These are our family’s favorites - the ones my teens still pick up from time to time because they hold so many fond memories of cuddling up on the couch together over the years.

I hope this gives you some ideas as you wrap up the school year and start imagining what your kids will do all summer. Let me know how you do summer at your home. Do you take the summer off of school or do enrichment throughout the summer months? Let me know in the comments!

May Day

May 1 is this Wednesday and it always creeps up on me so I wanted to share, a few days ahead of time, a fun project we did when my kids were younger. You might want to gather supplies and set aside time to do this in the next few days.

When my kids were little, I was always looking for traditions we could create - fun ways we could celebrate the everyday and enjoy the rhythms of the year together. One of our favorites was May Day. We didn’t ever figure out how to set up a May pole and dance around it, but we did make bouquets of flowers for our neighbors to welcome springtime and let them know we loved them. I’ll show you how we did it.

We started with patterned paper from a craft store like Michael’s or Hobby Lobby. it’s prettiest when the paper has designs on both sides, so look for a pad of paper like this. It can be useful for many other crafts and school projects.

1) Form the paper into a cone and staple in place.

2) Staple a long ribbon to the inside of the paper cone to serve as a handle.

3) Put a grocery store produce bag in the bottom with wet paper towels in the bottom to keep the flowers somewhat watered.

4) I usually purchased a few bunches of flowers at the grocery store to anchor the bouquets.

5) Have kids select flowers and greenery from the yard to complete the bouquets. Show them how to arrange them, but let them be the floral designers.

6) Deliver them to neighbors, friends, family, etc. by hanging on their front door early in the morning on May 1.

Enjoy this fun springtime craft, nature study and neighborly act with your children!

For more Springtime inspiration, grab my Spring Picture book List - I’ve gathered all our perennial favorite read-a-louds for you to enjoy with your children. You can take this list on your next library trip, to the bookstore or choose one next time you have a gift to give. Enjoy!!!

Bouquets ready to be delivered.

Deciding to Love Math

One of the BEST choices I made in our homeschool journey was to do math consistently. We started and stuck with a curriculum called Saxon Math. Only now, as I look back can I fully appreciate the strong foundation and mindset it instilled in all of us and I’m so grateful. I’ve added a video at the end of this post explaining more about how this curriculum works and why I love it.

I’m going to make the case that embracing Math is one of the most beneficial things you can do for yourself and your children. It’s not just about understanding how to do it - it’s deeper than that. When you decide to work at understanding Math concepts and you commit to doing the work, you show your children how to be problem-solvers and that skill and mindset will serve them for all their days.

We want our children to be academically successful yet we often perpetuate the cultural norm that it’s cool and common to be bad at Math. When we look at our child’s Math lesson and joke that “it’s beyond me” or “I am NOT a Math person” we think we are being funny or humble. We are simply agreeing with everyone else that Math is a task to be endured; that it is NOT something worthy of our time and effort. But what we are doing without realizing it is showing our children that it’s okay to give up and not try to figure things out. We don’t do that with sports, so why do we allow it with Math?

The truth is, life does not let us get away with that! There are always going to be problems to solve and solutions to find. When we create a habit and model for our children the process of looking closely at a problem we don’t understand and taking time to use our minds to THINK and WONDER and PONDER and SOLVE a problem we are giving them an important LIFE SKILL!

If you’re not completely annoyed with me at this point (or even if you are), keep reading and I’ll show you how to embrace Math in your home and homeschool.

1) Examine your own mindset. Banish phrases like, “I’m no good at Math.” There’s a good chance you have your own old stories running in the back of your mind about Math, especially if you adopted a belief early in life that you weren’t good at it. If you FEEL inadequate or ashamed about Math, it’s because of the thoughts you are having about it. Really take a moment to write down what thoughts go through your mind when you think about Math. Once you examine your own thoughts, you can change them. You will also realize the power of those thoughts and be more motivated to make sure your children don’t cement negative thoughts in their own minds. Speak life. Do not say, “You are not a Math person.” Say instead, “You might not love Math, but you sure are good at it.” What you think about becomes reality and your attitude towards Math is contagious.

2) Start early* in age-appropriate ways to lay a firm foundation. Early competence breeds confidence and early confidence will fuel your kids when problems get more difficult. Here’s where Saxon Math really helped my children. In the K-3 grade levels, the daily lesson is heavy with routine, repetition and hands on activities.. It included the use of manipulatives which are very effective and fun for young children. I’ll admit, it was a lot of work for me as the teacher. Every day, I would fill out a little form with the daily exercises using money, counting, arithmetic, telling time and later word problems. I would sit and read the lesson with my child at that age because they weren’t yet reading themselves. It took effort and required that I plan a schedule of activities for the other children so I could focus on one at a time.

Only later did I experience the fruit of all that labor and consistency. Once my children could read on their own, they were able to complete their Math lessons on their own. They knew how to read a lesson and do the work because we had done it over and over again together. They also knew that I was invested in their Math success and would help them when they had a question. The habit of doing Math first, every day made it much easier to stay on track. Most of all, they had a firm foundation from all that practice. They knew their Math facts, so addition, subtraction, multiplication and division were easy and didn’t hold them back as their lessons got more complex. As a tutor now, I see often how painful Math is when these foundational pieces are not in place. It is difficult to learn Algebra if you don’t have your multiplication table memorized!

*A clarification about “starting early”: Toddlers can count cars or oranges - but only for FUN. If we radiate joy and wonder at learning, our toddlers and preschoolers will WANT to learn. Even still, no formal lessons are needed at all until age 6 or 7.

3) Make it fun and personal - allow Math to be relatable to every personality and giftedness. I understand that Math will not be every child’s first love, but there are so many ways to make it work for each person so please don’t let that be an excuse to hate it. My oldest daughter is an artist. She’s a day dreamer, a writer and a dancer. Math felt so uninteresting to her but I found ways to make it relatable. When she was little, she loved fairies and spent considerable time building fairy houses in the yard or drawing fairies so, when we came across a multiplication problem, I would say something like, “Oh these mathematicians! Sometimes they use so few words! Let’s pretend that you are hosting a party for 100 fairies. You can sit 10 fairies at each table. How many tables will you need to decorate for the party??” If I had a child that was baffled by long word problems, we would take the opposite approach. “Okay, this feels like way too many words - let’s simplify it by writing what they are saying in numbers and symbols. The word “of” means times, the word “is” stands for =,” etc… Find creative ways to make Math relatable to your kids by talking about it in terms that interest them - Do they love cars, trains, dance, or Marvel heroes? Talk about Math concepts in ways that make it real to your child. Making it fun and personal does NOT mean switching curriculum every 6 months because your child is still not enjoying Math. When you keep switching, you lose time and create holes in your student’s knowledge base. You create a mindset in which the teacher or the tool is blamed for not imparting knowledge well when it is actually the student’s job to take in knowledge and make it their own. So make the best decision possible to find a curriculum that works with your child’s learning style or special needs and then commit to staying the course. If you pick a high quality, well-designed program it WILL do the job if you do. Put your head down and do the work.

Making it fun and personal does NOT mean switching curriculum every 6 months because your child is still not enjoying Math.

4) Be consistent and create habits. Competency breeds confidence and early thoughts about one’s Math abilities stick. When you do these lessons regularly, it becomes less of a burden. We did Math at least 4 mornings a week. It does not work to do Math once or twice a week because concepts are easily forgotten if they are not practiced regularly. It slows progress and creates more moments and memories of NOT knowing how to do something. This is so important especially in grammar school because remembering how to do things and making a habit of working out problems builds character and grows competence. The more moments of success your child has early on, the more skilled your child will be and their confidence will determine their belief about their ability which, as we know, will determine how they feel about their own Math ability for a lifetime.

5) Always be a problem-solver - you don’t have to know all the answers, but you do need to be willing to be curious. Be willing to THINK and PONDER and try different solutions yourself in partnership with your child. Show them how to look back at the explanation in their Math book. Reread the lesson. Be a scholar! You are modeling for them how to solve their own problems later in their schooling and throughout all of life. If you reach an impasse, get help because you WANT to know the answer, not because you’ve given up. This is important. We shouldn’t google the solution or watch Khan Academy or hire a tutor because we have given up but because we WANT to understand.

Sprinkler Repair courtesy of youTube, Ace Hardware and ME!

Life will provide many opportunities to problem-solving either in our work or our homes. A toilet handle will need replacing, a sprinkler will break, a car battery will die, a schedule will need to be adjusted. A can-do mindset serves us for the rest of our lives and it is strengthened by early experiences as a problem-solver.

I’m proof of this concept, having learned many ways to care for a home over the years. I didn’t WANT to have to learn these skills, but I did. Did I feel overwhelmed by household tasks? Yes! Did I WANT to throw in the towel and get someone who was skilled or trained to do them for me? Yes! But I learned to calmly “work the problem” until I found a solution. In the end, it really wasn’t that bad. Math wisdom, my friends. Math wisdom.

I even created a FREE guide so others could learn from me: Fix-It Mama Household Basics.

You see, it’s not about whether you were going to need to use the Pythagorean Formula as an adult, it’s about appreciating the beauty of problem-solving and finding a bit of joy in struggling to reach a solution. So, have I convinced you to value Math more? I hope so. I hope you feel encouraged and a little bit inspired. If you haven’t been doing this, start slowly. Mind your mind and be really gracious with yourself and your children.

The best way to do Math in your homeschool is early and consistently, but it is very common for students to have missed this experience. If this is true for your student, it’s not too late!! We can adjust our thinking at any stage of life. If your student needs help finding some joy and competence in Math, I’m hosting a 4 week class for students who need some encouragement and support. It’s designed for Junior High students preparing to start Algebra.. The goal is to strengthen skills, encourage a love of Math and build confidence. You can read more about it and sign your student up here: Algebra Prep School. Maybe we should have a mom version so we can have fun with Math together. I’ll serve wine.

Here’s a video about Saxon Math and how I’ve used it with my children and with my tutoring students over the years. A few links mentioned in the video:

Saxon Math video on the Rainbow Resource website

Saxon Math placement tests on the Rainbow Resource website